How to Help a Homeless Family Member: A Complete Guide

First: Take a Breath

Before you do anything else, acknowledge that this is a crisis, not just for your family member, but for you. You are probably feeling a mix of emotions: fear, guilt, anger, sadness, confusion, maybe even shame. All of these are normal.

You did not cause this. Even if there were things you could have done differently in the past, you are not responsible for another adult's housing situation. This is true even if that adult is your child. Taking on false guilt will not help anyone and will cloud your judgment when clear thinking is needed most.

You also cannot fix this alone. Homelessness is rarely caused by a single problem, and it will not be solved by a single solution. Your role is to be part of the support system, not the entire system. Understanding this from the beginning will help you maintain the boundaries you will need to help effectively.

Understanding What You Are Dealing With

Homelessness has root causes. Before you can help effectively, you need to understand what led to this situation. The answer will shape everything that follows.

Situational Homelessness

Sometimes homelessness results from a specific event: job loss, medical emergency, divorce, natural disaster. The person was functioning adequately before and, with the right support, can function again. This type of homelessness typically responds well to short-term assistance.

Signs of situational homelessness:

• • Clear precipitating event (layoff, eviction, relationship ending)
• • Recent housing history was stable
• • Person is actively looking for work and housing
• • No significant untreated mental illness or addiction

Chronic or Complex Homelessness

Other times, homelessness is the visible symptom of deeper issues: serious mental illness, addiction, trauma, or some combination. These situations require more comprehensive intervention and will not be solved by money or temporary housing alone.

Signs of complex homelessness:

• • Pattern of housing instability over years
• • Evidence of untreated mental illness (paranoia, delusions, severe depression)
• • Active substance use
• • History of failed attempts to help
• • Estrangement from multiple family members
• • Criminal justice involvement

Being honest about which situation you are facing is crucial. Treating complex homelessness like situational homelessness will lead to failed interventions, wasted resources, and family burnout.

For Situational Homelessness: How to Help

If your family member is dealing with situational homelessness, focused short-term help can be highly effective. Here is a practical approach:

Assess Immediate Needs

• • Where are they sleeping tonight? Is it safe?
• • Do they have identification? (Many services require ID)
• • Do they have access to their medications?
• • Do they have any income or benefits?
• • What led to this situation?

Consider Short-Term Housing Options

• • Your home: If you can safely house them temporarily, this may be appropriate. Set clear expectations and a timeline.
• • Extended stay hotel: Provides privacy and stability while they get back on their feet.
• • Other family members: Can the burden be shared?
• • Emergency assistance programs: Many communities have rapid rehousing or emergency rental assistance.

Help Them Build a Plan

Do not just provide resources without a plan. Sit down together and work through:

• • What income can they generate and when?
• • What is realistic for housing costs in the area?
• • What barriers need to be addressed (transportation, background check issues, credit)?
• • What is the timeline for self-sufficiency?

Write the plan down. Review it weekly. Having clear benchmarks prevents the temporary from becoming permanent.

For Complex Homelessness: A Different Approach

If addiction, serious mental illness, or long-term patterns are involved, the approach must be different. Providing housing without addressing root causes will not work and may enable continued dysfunction.

Accept What You Cannot Control

This is the hardest part. You cannot force an adult to accept treatment. You cannot make someone stop using drugs. You cannot fix mental illness with love alone. Accepting this is not giving up. It is acknowledging reality so you can work within it.

Do Not Enable

Enabling means removing the natural consequences of someone's behavior in a way that allows them to continue that behavior. Examples of enabling:

• • Giving money that you know will be used for drugs or alcohol
• • Repeatedly bailing them out of situations they created
• • Providing housing with no expectations or accountability
• • Making excuses for their behavior to others
• • Allowing them to live with you while actively using

Enabling feels like love but actually prevents change. Sometimes the most loving thing is to allow someone to experience consequences that motivate them to seek help.

Offer Support Tied to Treatment

This does not mean cutting off contact entirely. It means structuring your help in ways that support recovery rather than continued illness. Consider:

• • "I will pay for treatment, but not for an apartment while you're using."
• • "You can stay here if you're actively in a program."
• • "I will drive you to appointments and meetings."
• • "I will help you get into a program today. Are you willing?"

Know What Resources Exist

When your family member is ready to accept help, you want to be ready to connect them immediately. Research in advance:

• • Local treatment programs (inpatient and outpatient)
• • Mental health crisis services
• • Long-term residential programs
• • Transitional housing tied to treatment
• • Veterans services (if applicable)

When someone with addiction or mental illness says "I'm ready for help," that window may be short. Having information ready can make the difference.

Setting Boundaries

Boundaries are not punishment. They are protection for you and your family, and they actually help your homeless family member by creating clarity about expectations.

Examples of Healthy Boundaries

• • "I love you, but I will not give you money directly."
• • "You cannot stay here if you are using."
• • "I will help you find treatment, but I will not house you indefinitely."
• • "I need to protect my children from this situation."
• • "I will visit you weekly, but I cannot be your only support."

Holding Boundaries

Setting boundaries is easier than keeping them. Your family member may:

• • Promise to change (again)
• • Blame you for their situation
• • Threaten self-harm
• • Manipulate other family members against you
• • Show up in crisis expecting rescue

This is where support groups like Al-Anon, Nar-Anon, or NAMI family groups become invaluable. Being around others who understand helps you maintain boundaries when emotions make you want to cave.

Taking Care of Yourself

You cannot pour from an empty cup. Having a homeless family member is traumatic, and you need support too.

• • Join a support group. NAMI (National Alliance on Mental Illness) offers family support groups. Al-Anon and Nar-Anon help families of people with addiction.
• • Consider therapy. A counselor can help you process your emotions and develop healthy responses.
• • Set limits on your involvement. You cannot think about this 24/7 and remain healthy.
• • Protect your other relationships. Do not sacrifice your marriage, your other children, or your own health.
• • Accept that you may not see resolution. Some situations take years to resolve. Some never resolve. You have to be able to live with that possibility.

When They Are Ready

If and when your family member is ready to accept real help, be prepared to act quickly. Readiness can be fleeting, especially with addiction. Have a plan ready:

• • Know which treatment programs have availability
• • Have transportation ready
• • Know what identification and documents they need
• • Be prepared to help with insurance or payment
• • Know how you will support them during treatment

The moment someone says "I'm ready," move immediately. Tomorrow may be too late.

Finding the Right Program

Not all programs are created equal. When evaluating options for your family member, consider:

• • Length of program: 28-day rehab has poor long-term outcomes. Look for programs of 6 months or longer for complex situations.
• • Comprehensive services: Does it address mental health, addiction, job training, and housing transition?
• • Aftercare planning: What happens when they complete the program?
• • Track record: What percentage complete the program? What percentage maintain housing afterward?
• • Family involvement: Does the program include family in the process?

Organizations like The Steady Ground are built around comprehensive, long-term restoration rather than short-term crisis management. The Stronghold Assessment we use helps identify each person's specific needs and creates an individualized roadmap for recovery.